Pietro's Tea Party
by L1701E
Summary: Chapter 5 up! Complete! Side fic to "The Starr Chronicles! Pietro has a very disturbing hobby! Next, the insanity comes to an end as Pietro sees the tape! RR PLEASE! Suggestions needed badly!
1. Shocking Discovery!

**Pietro's**** Tea Party**

**Hey there, fans! If you love "The Starr Chronicles", then you will adore this little side fic! It was partially inspired by an episode of "****South****Park****", one of my favorite shows! The title should explain it all! Enjoy! Oh yeah, and if you're wondering, this is set after the X-Men and Brotherhood defeat Roxor the Ravager. Check out my fic "The Starr Chronicles"! **

**Disclaimer: "Puppies!" - Jerry "The King" Lawler**

Chapter 1: Shocking Discovery!

**Nearby the Brotherhood House**

"Man, Lila!" A frog-like boy with long dirty blonde hair said with a bit of a Brooklyn accent in his voice. He was clad in blue jeans and a green sweater, and had a green backpack on his back. He was talking to a beautiful teenage girl with long feathered black hair like Joan Jett. She had gold earrings, and her curvy figure was covered by a white Scorpions halter top, tight black leather pants with a gold studded belt, and several golden bracelets on each wrist, with a black backpack on her back. The boy's name was Todd Tolensky, a mutant with toad-like abilities. His friend was another mutant. Her name was Lila Cheney, and she had the mutant power to teleport across interstellar distances. "Are you sure it's a good idea to cut school, yo?" The two mutant friends were walking down the street to the Brotherhood House, where they lived. Actually, Todd was hopping.

"Half the teachers were all passed out drunk, my little toad-like friend." Lila laughed. "Besides, haven't you noticed something?" Todd thought about it.

"You mean the Principal acting more and more like he's rabid lately?" Todd blinked. Lila chuckled.

"That, and the fact that that 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' reject Pietro Maximoff hasn't been in school for the past three days." Lila answered. "I thought he liked school."

"He's the only one who studies, yo. But why are you concerned? You _hate_ him." Todd wondered.

"True, I think is a miserable arrogant worm, but I'm not heartless." Lila said. "Besides, I haven't pantsed him in three days." Todd laughed at that. Lila enjoyed tormenting Pietro, which earned her quite a bit of respect among the other Brotherhood members. The two mutants made their way to the Brotherhood House.

"Pietro?" Todd asked as he opened the door. "I got downstairs, yo. You check up."

"If we're lucky, he's got his head stuck in the toilet." Lila joked as she walked up the stairs. The two mutants searched the house for a few minutes, with no luck. "Well, I ain't going to Vegas today. Where _is_ that dope?!"

"Who cares, yo. Let's watch the tube since we're here." Todd grinned, taking the remote and jumping on the couch. Lila shrugged.

"Meh. Might was well." Lila sat down and Todd turned on the TV. "Hey, America's Wackiest Home Movies!"

"That show is lame, yo." Todd groaned. "It's hosted by that scrawny guy who was on that show 'Full Apartment'."

"He's a wuss." Lila joked. The two friends heard voices from outside. "What? Hang on Toddy, I'll check it out." Lila got up and peeked out a window. She struggled not to burst out laughing at the sight. "Hey Frog-Man! Come here! Check it out!"

"What?" Todd hopped in. Lila pointed out the window. Todd peeked up. The sight nearly made Todd explode with laughter. In the middle of the backyard, was sitting the silver-haired speedster of the Brotherhood, Pietro Maximoff. He was sitting at a white table. Around the table was sitting various stuffed animals. Quicksilver was holding a tea party.

"Would you like some more tea, Mr. Ruffle-Tuff?" Pietro asked a pink stuffed dragon. He then spoke in a gravelly voice. "Yes, Pietro. You are so cool."

"I can't take it! Let's go rip on him." Lila giggled.

"No wait, yo. This could be serious." Todd said, grabbing Lila's arm. He eyed the TV, which was still playing the TV show "America's Wackiest Home Movies". "Let's tape it, yo."

"Ooh, you got one devious little mind, Toady." Lila grinned evilly. "I like it."

"Besides, yo…the winning tape on that show gets $10,000." Todd grinned.

"Ten thousand smackers, heh?" Lila whistled. "Man, humiliating Pietro has just become a real profitable venture."

"I get half, yo." Todd interjected. "It was my idea."

"Okay." Lila shrugged. "I'll go get a video camera."

"Lance has one in his room. He stole it from Boom-Boom when she left here. It was a bit of revenge for him." Todd chuckled. Lila nodded.

"Thanks, Todd." Lila went up the stairs. Todd continued watching Pietro hold his little tea party.

"Man, that guy has problems, yo." Todd shook his head. "And he calls _me_ an embarrassment? Man, wait until the other guys see this!"

"Would you like some more tea, Cowboy Carl?" Pietro asked a stuffed cowboy. He then started doing a Texas accent. "Yes, Pietro. I reckon you're the greatest cowpoke this side of the Pecos."

"Man, that guy seriously needs psychological help, yo." Todd snickered. "He really does."

"Why thank you, Cowboy Carl. Would you like some tea, Polly Pretty-Pants?" Pietro asked a stuffed dolly in pink. He then assumed a feminine voice. "Yes, Pietro. You look amazingly handsome today." He went back to his normal voice. "Why thank you, Polly Pretty-Pants." Lila came downstairs with the camera.

"Hey Lila, maybe we should talk to a psychiatrist about this. This looks serious, yo." Todd said to Lila.

"But I wanna film him!" Lila whined.

**The Bayville Library**

Principal Robert Kelly decided to do a little class-cutting early. He really needed to get out of that school. He needed to refill his secret alcohol stash, and find some peace and quiet.

_I can't believe those Xavier kids and Brotherhood kids got into another brawl._ Kelly groaned. _I hate those kids._ He picked out a book from a shelf. "Hey, I like this book." Kelly opened up the book, and… "AAAAAAGH!!!!!!" A pack of dogs leapt out of the book and started mauling him. "HELP ME!!!" He turned and saw the librarian. The dogs froze.

"I'm sorry sir, but if you and your pets cannot be quiet, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." The librarian said. The dogs got off Kelly.

"Sorry, ma'am. C'mon, guys." Kelly trudged out, the dogs following him. As soon as he got out, the dogs resumed mauling him. "AAAAAAGH!!!!"

**Bayville High**

Duncan Matthews walked down Bayville High's outdoor courtyard, whistling.

"Look out!" Someone exclaimed.

"What? YIPE!!!" Duncan yelped. He ducked a flying Scott, and the X-Men's leader knocked into a beehive, causing it to fall down to the ground. A swarm of _ticked off_ bees emerged from the broken hive, and swarmed all over Duncan. "YEEEEEEEAGHHHH!!!!! I HATE BEES!!! NO NO NO!!! AAAAAGH!!!! I'M ALLERGIC!!!!! AAAAGH!!!!! OWWCHIE!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!

Well, well, well! Looks like Pietro is one disturbed little boy! What insanity will happen next? Will the rest of the Brotherhood find out? How will Kelly and Duncan get tortured next? What other South Park references will appear? What does Magneto think of all this? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!


	2. Announcement!

**Pietro's**** Tea Party**

_To Firefly25: Hey there Firefly! Nice line. Very appropriate. Which one of them said that, Nicholas Cage or John Travolta? I would not be surprised if Craig was responsible for Scotty's little…flying lesson. Don't be surprised if that particular swarm of bees makes more appearances. Please put me on your Author Alert list! I hope you like the new chapter, and I can hardly wait to beta-read the new chapter of 'Reindeer Flotilla'!_

_To mattb3671: Hey there matt! I read the new chapter of "X-Men is Australian for Mutant" and I liked it! Did you get my e-mail? May I add you to my e-mail address book? Yeah, Pietro does seem to be a little **too** happy at times. You trained the dogs that attack Kelly? Why am I not surprised to hear that? I hope you like the new disclaimer and new chapter! _

_To Metal Dragon1: Hey there MD1! Pietro having a tea party is a scary, yet not quite unimaginable concept indeed. I could imagine Pietro holding a tea party. Actually, I think both Kelly and the dogs were afraid of the librarian! I guess __Duncan__ has finally started hanging with a crowd closer to his IQ level. It doesn't matter how Scott was sent flying, all that matters is that he flew. I can't wait for the new chapter of 'Take the Long Way Home', and I hope you enjoy the new one!_

_To Sparky Genocide: Hey there Sparky! Maybe I **should** show a puffed-up __Duncan__. Thanks. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Red Witch: Hey there Red! I read the new chapter of "This Soap Opera Called Life" and I loved it! Stryker got what he deserved, and there are a lot more mutants to worry about now. Things aren't much better now for our heroes. You did tea party scenes? I don't remember reading them. But then again, you did do a lot of stuff. Duncan and Kelly will get tormented some more, and there will be more bees! Enjoy the new chapter! _

_To soulstress: Hey there soulstress! Don't worry, the dogs will return. I'm glad you liked the scene with Kelly and the dogs in the library. My computer acts weird sometimes too. I wouldn't be surprised at the thought of Pietro holding a tea party. And I'm sure the rest of the Brotherhood's reaction would be funny, especially Wanda. I can hardly wait for the new chapter of 'Tempest', and I hope you like the new chapter!_

_To Haretrigger: Hey there Hare! Yeah, some disturbing hobby of Pietro's, huh? Think about it. His old man played with metal dollies. I hope you like the new chapter!_

**Disclaimer: "Do you feel like we do?" - Peter Frampton**

Chapter 2: Announcement!

**Bayville High, the Counselor's office, the next day**

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Lila asked Todd as the two mutants went to the counselor's office.

"I'm sure that Pietro's got some freaky issue, yo. And this guy's an expert." Todd explained.

"Todd…he's a school counselor, not Sigmund Freud." Lila rolled her eyes.

"So?" Todd shrugged. He knocked on the counselor's door.

"Come in." A voice replied. Todd and Lila entered the room. They found the school counselor, Mr. Rake, behind a desk. He was a stout gray-haired man with a green shirt, brown slacks, and a white tie. He had on gold-thin rimmed glasses. "Ahh, Todd Tolensky, and…uhm…"

"Lila Cheney. I'm new." Lila said.

"Take a seat." Mr. Rake offered. Todd and Lila sat on a couple seats in front of Mr. Rake's desk. "Now, tell me, how have you been doing? Have you been adjusting well, Ms. Cheney?"

"I'm fine. The football players are jerks, but they know their place." Lila grinned.

"We want to talk to you about our friend Pietro, Mr. Rake." Todd said.

"You see, we found Mr. Am…Pietro, in our backyard holding a tea party with a couple stuffed animals." Lila added. "We're really worried. Well, he is." Lila pointed at Todd. "I'm not. The guy is a jerk."

"It sounds to me like Mr. Maximoff has some issues. If I could perhaps get a tape of your friend engaging in this tea party, I could analyze the behavior psychologically."

"We have a camcorder. We can do that." Lila grinned. "Thanks, Mr. Rake!" Lila shook his hand. "Come, Mr. Toddson! The game is afoot!" She crowed in an English accent.

"I'm right behind you, Sherlock Lila!" Todd grinned in his own English accent. Todd was great with accents. The two teens raced out the window.

"Nice kids." Mr. Rake smiled. He looked down at his wrist. "Where's my watch?" Lila walked back in with a pouty look. She looked up at Mr. Rake with a pout. She handed him back his watch.

"Sorry." She pouted, then went back out. Mr. Rake caught Toad shooting Lila a stern look. Lila looked at him with her pout still on.

"You never let me have any fun!" Lila whined.

"C'mon, yo. I know you can go five minutes without stealing things, yo." Todd grinned. "And speaking of stealing things, there goes Cannonball, the guy who you says stole your heart." Lila looked up and her pout turned into a big grin when she saw the Southerner.

"C'MERE, YOU HUNK!!!" Lila screamed as she raced toward Sam.

"AAAGH!!!" Sam screamed.

**Bayville High, Lunchtime**

"You have _got_ to cut class today, yo." Todd said to Lance and Fred. The three boys were at the Brotherhood table. Lance was eating a sandwich, and Fred was on his tenth lunch tray. The Starr Brothers and Wanda were still in the lunch line.

"Why should we?" Lance looked up from his sandwich.

"Do you guys want to see Pietro doing something _really_ embarrassing?" Todd smirked. Fred blinked.

"Like what? Play with dolls?"

"No. Lila and I saw Pietro having a tea party with stuffed animals." Todd grinned. Lance nearly choked with laughter on his sandwich. Fred's jaw dropped.

"You're kidding!" Gasped Blob.

"No, I'm not. You can ask Lila." Todd confirmed. Blob got up.

"Can't now, Fred." Lance chuckled, stopping the large Mohawk-wearing mutant. "Ol' Cannon-boy's trying to beat her off him with a stick." Lance looked at Todd. "Alright. Let's see Pietro's little tea party." Todd smirked.

"You guys are going to _love_ it."

**The ****Bayville****Hospital**

"Ohhhhh…" Duncan moaned from his hospital bed. He looked like a huge piece of flesh-colored popcorn thanks to all the bee stings he suffered. "I hate this." A nurse walked in.

"Boy it's hot in here." She said. She opened a window. "There we go. Comfortable, Mr. Matthews?"

"Fine."

"Just stay there until the ointment clears you up, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you." Duncan thanked as the nurse left. "Might as well take a nap while I'm here." He closed his eyes. "AAAAAAAAGH!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!" A group of wild dogs leapt in through the open window and started mauling him. "HELP ME!!! NURSE!!! HELP!!!!"

**Bayville****Park**

"Huff…huff…huff…" Kelly panted as he jogged on a path in the park. He stopped and sat down on a bench, panting. "Man, that was a great workout." Kelly wheezed. He heard buzzing. "What? HEY!!!" He got swarmed by bees. "AAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!! HEY!!!!!! OWWWWWW!!!!! THOSE THINGS HURT!!!! HELP ME!!!! HEY!!! OWWCH!!!!"

Well, well, well! Looks like Lance and Fred are going to get a good laugh! What insanity will happen next? How will Lance and Fred react to Pietro's quirk? Will Lila ever get her hands on Sam? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!


	3. You Gotta Be Kidding!

**Pietro's**** Tea Party**

_To Firefly25: Hey there Firefly! Yeah, I can imagine Todd impersonating Steve Irwin and Lila playing Terri. I can only imagine the shock and scandal that would arise from Pietro's little 'hobby'. I hope you like the new chapter, and I can hardly wait to beta-read Chapter 2 of 'Reindeer Flotilla'._

_To Metal Dragon1: Hey there Metal Dragon! I read the new chapter of 'Take the Long Way Home', and I loved it! You really know how to portray Kid Razor. Yeah, Todd is a bit of a klepto himself, but he's not as bad as Lila. I can imagine Lance wondering about Pietro's mind when he sees Pietro's tea party. Alright! __Duncan__ getting attacked and screaming in a falsetto?__ I like it! I'll see if I can fit it in somewhere! I hope you like the new chapter, and I hope you put up the next chapter of 'Take the Long Way Home' quickly!_

_To Red Witch: Hey there Red Witch! I read the new chapter of "This Soap Opera Called Life", and I loved it! Man, ol' Kevin has some serious Daddy issues. I'll have to check out 'Tea and No Sympathy' and 'Pizza with Kitty' sometime. I hope you like the new chapter!_

_To Sparky Genocide: Hey there, Sparky! I was glad to use your idea. It was awesome. Kelly going rabid? I **LIKE IT!!!!** I'll see if I can fit it in somewhere! Thanks! Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To mattb3671: Hey there matt! Yeah, a lot of insanity reigns in my fic. I read the new chapter of 'X-Men is Australian for Mutant' and I loved it! Thanks again for letting me use Marie-Claire! You're very welcome, and put me on your Favorite Authors and Author Alert lists. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Raliena: Hey there, Rae! You think Pietro's being weird now? You'll really like seeing the reason why Pietro's acting so weird. Enjoy the new chapter!_

**Disclaimer: "Wolvie, lets be takin' yer motorbike! Ladies like motorbike men!" - Pappy O'Bryanson, "X-Men is Australian for Mutant" (Read it! It's a good fic!).**

Chapter 3: You Gotta Be Kidding!

**Bayville High**

Paul Starr was walking in the quad, toward his next class. He did look rather odd, considering he was dressed like an 80s rocker. Several girls giggled and waved. Paul waved back. He saw Pietro sit on a curb. Paul blinked and ran down next to the depressed speedster.

"Hey, Pietro! What's up?" Paul grinned. Pietro sighed. "Now what's that all about? Quickie, you haven't been acting like yourself for the past three days. What's up?"

"Well, Paul…There's…something I want." Pietro sighed.

"What?" Paul asked.

"I saw this awesome sowing kit in the store three days ago." Pietro sighed. "And I can't buy it."

"Lance told me that your father gave you a credit card. Why not just charge on it?" Paul asked.

"No way. I can't." Pietro shook his head. "My old man would kill me. What'll the Pietro do?" He looked up at the sky. "Is there anyone who can help the Pietro?"

"Why not just save up some money?" Paul noticed his watch. "Oh! I gotta go! You'd better hurry, Pietro! You're going to be late for class!" Paul ran off. The 80s-dressing LA native ran into the building, only to run into Lance. "Lance, we're going to be…"

"Paul! Glad we found you!" Lance said quickly, interrupting Paul. "Look, we need to leave here now."

"Why?" Paul blinked.

"You'll see." Lance smirked. He grabbed Paul and pulled the LA mutant behind him. They went to Lance's jeep. In it was the rest of the Brotherhood. Lila was holding a small camcorder. "You'll love this, Paul." Lance threw Paul in the jeep, then jumped in himself. The Brotherhood drove off after they noticed Pietro zip away, using his mutant speed.

"We're going to film Pietro." Lila said excitedly.

"According to Lila and Toad, Pietro has been doing tea parties. We gotta see this." Fred grinned.

"We're going to send the tape to 'America's Wackiest Home Movies'." Todd added.

"$10,000 bucks, here we come!" Lila whooped. She and Toad high-fived. "Toddy and I am splitting it 50-50." Paul immediately started thinking. He was starting to get a feeling that Pietro's desire for a sewing kit and the tea parties were somehow connected. After all, he did remember that Pietro said that he did see a sewing kit he wanted three days ago, and he's been depressed that he wasn't able to buy it ever since. The Brotherhood drove up to their house. They quietly snuck in, being very careful to not allow Pietro to see them. "Here." She pointed at a window. The Brotherhood gathered at the window. Paul, Lance, Wanda, Todd, Craig, and Fred struggled to hold in their laughing as they witnessed Pietro engaging in the tea party. Lila also struggled not to laugh as she filmed Pietro.

"Would you like some more tea, Polly Prissy-Pants?" Pietro asked his dolly. "Yes, I would Pietro." He said in a girlish voice. "This is a great party, Pietro."

"_We're in the money, we're in the money…_" A snickering Lila sang under her breath.

"This'll be a winning video for sure." Wanda snickered.

"Hey guys, I think I may know why Pietro's acting like this." Paul realized. The other Brotherhood turned to him. "Today, I saw him in the quad. He looked rather mopey. He said to me that he saw a sewing kit he wanted, but he's depressed because he can't buy it. He can't use his credit card because his dad will kill him." The others blinked in amazement.

"I'm not surprised." Wanda crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

"You're joking." Lance blinked. "_Please_ tell me you're joking."

"I wish I was." Paul rolled his eyes.

"Let me get this straight: The reason is acting like a little girl out there is because he can't buy a _sewing kit?!_" Craig said in disbelief. "Man, Pietro is stupid."

"That boy has issues." Fred groaned.

**Bayville****Hospital**

"Ahhhhh…" Duncan Matthews smiled as he walked out of the hospital. "I feel great! The wonders of modern medicine. God I love it AAAAAAAGH!!!!!" Duncan screamed as a group of dogs started mauling him. "AIEEE!!!" he screamed in a falsetto. "THAT'S **NOT** A CHEW TOY!!!!!!"

**Bayville High**

"I'm very concerned about him." Dorothy, Principal Kelly's secretary said to a couple cops as they approached the door of Kelly's office.

"We got it ma'am." One cop said. The cops opened the door, and found the place was a wreck. And in the middle of it was Robert Kelly, foaming about the mouth, and acting like an animal.

"RAAAGH!!!" He ran around on all fours, snarling and screaming like a wild animal. He knocked into walls and various pieces of furniture. He eyed a window and ran toward it.

"Stop him!" Once cop exclaimed. The cops ran to restrain Kelly. Kelly opened the window, and…

"AAAGH!!! BEES!!!" The swarm of bees flew in and started attacking Kelly. "RAAAAGH!!! EEEEEK!!! HELP ME!!!"

Well, well, well! Looks like the insanity shall continue! What madness will happen next? How will Pietro react to TV stardom? Will he get his sewing kit? What'll happen to Kelly and Duncan next? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!


	4. Hope!

**Pietro's Tea Party!**

_To Sparky Genocide: Hey there, Sparky! I thought it would be funnier if Kelly got rabies from the dogs. I love your idea, but how the heck are the Brotherhood going to be able to broadcast the little tape of Pietro internationally? Anyway, you'll love Pietro's reaction to his little brush with TV stardom. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Raliena: Hey there, Rae! Duncan Matthews is one of those people that is difficult, if not impossible, to feel sympathy for. Anyway, enjoy the new chapter!_

_To mattb3671: Hey there, matt! I read the new chapter of "X-Men is Australian for Mutant" and I loved it! You know quite a bit about the Spider-Man universe. I have a big book all about it. Yeah, I remember Mango! Chris Kattan was hilarious as Mango. Now that I do think about it…yes…Pietro **is** kind of like Mango. I'm glad you liked the bees and dogs. I hope to put in more. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To Red Witch: Hey there, Red Witch! I read the new chapters of "This Soap Opera Called Life", and I loved it! That was a great chapter with the Congressman and the one with the FF. And I think that the X-Men and Misfits have gained a new enemy in the form of a certain young Apache. I BEAT YOU RED!!! I EVO-TIZED THE FF FIRST!!!! I had the FF make an appearance way back in a chapter of 'Hawaiian Havoc'! Are we going to see Warpath/James Proudstar in the Hellions? I EVO-TIZED WARPATH FIRST!!! I can imagine him driving Emma and the Hellions crazy with his constant ranting of how he's going to make the X-Men pay **(Emma: Oh God, I need a drink…) (Hellions: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SHUT HIM UP?!?!?!)**. Yeah, I think it would be funny if the X-Men sent in a video as well! Maybe of Scott in a funny costume! Enjoy the new chapter! _

_To soulstress: Hey there soulstress! I read the new chapter of 'Tempest', and I loved it! Man, Empath and Roulette are little sociopaths, aren't they? Well, I took a lot of dramatic license with this story. I needed a reason why Pietro would freak out so badly, and he seemed the type to freak out over something tiny. I'm also glad you liked the scene with Lila and the counselor in the last chapter! Enjoy this new one!_

**Disclaimer: "We are the Knights that say NI!"**

Chapter 4: Hope!

**Downtown Bayville**

Pietro Maximoff stood forlornly at the window of a store. He was eyeing a sewing kit there. His dreams of owning it were being shot down by the number on the tag attached to it. He sighed.

_Oh, man…_Pietro mentally moaned. _I'll never get that sewing kit. And I could make some awesome clothes with it. Lila will never steal it for me. She gladly swiped those American Chopper DVDs for the other guys, not to mention a player._ Pietro zipped off, dejected. He noticed Lila, Fred, and Todd sitting at a table in an outdoor café, having some lunch. "Hey guys."

"Hey Mr. Ambiguous. Why the long face?" Lila grinned.

"Well…" Pietro sighed. "I'm depressed."

"About what?" Fred struggled not to snicker.

"Well, there's something I really want, but I can't afford it." Pietro sighed. "I am so depressed." He looked up at Lila with a quivering lower lip. "Can I have a hug?" He held out his arms to Lila. The rocker/thief sneered.

"No offense Maximoff, but I get very wary of your hands anywhere on me." Lila brushed his arms away.

"Yeah, you know that show 'America's Wackiest Home Movies'?" Todd grinned. Pietro blinked.

"Yeah…" Pietro replied. "I've heard of it wh-" The speedster was interrupted by a scream. The four mutants saw Scott Summers run down the street, screaming his head off. He also happened to be on fire. Behind him, driving in Scott's car, was a laughing Rogue and Iceman. Bobby Drake was carrying the camera. The four mutants blinked.

"Those X-Geeks must be desperate for something to do." Todd chuckled. "Anyway Pietro, we got a tape, and we sent it to the show. They're going to play it tonight, yo."

"We can give you some of the prize money if we win." Lila grinned.

"What makes you so sure your tape will win? The chances of that are slim." Pietro's face formed a mask of suspicion. Something was up. Knowing Lila, something was going to happen. Lila shot Pietro an arrogant smirk.

"Because _our_ tape is going to make the audience laugh so hard, they'll need plastic surgery to remove their grins." Responded Lila coolly, crossing her arms and leaning back on her chair.

"You guys will…give me…some of the prize money?" Pietro asked hopefully. Blob shrugged.

"Sure why not? We're all teammates here after all." Fred smiled. "We should all help each other in a time of need."

"Here here, Big Fred!" Lila whooped in agreement, raising her glass of soda.

"Wow!" Pietro whooped excitedly. "Thanks guys! You are the best! Alright! YEAH!!!!" Pietro zipped away happily. _I'll get that sewing kit after all! Wow! Those guys are the best!_ Lila, Todd, and Fred watched Pietro zip away. They looked at each other with evil grins.

"Pietro is going to be so mad." Fred chuckled.

"Who cares. What's he gonna do? Spank us?" Lila quipped with a cocky grin. "Ooh, I'm so scared! He's going to hurt us!" The four mutant teens burst out laughing.

**The local Wal-Mart**

Duncan Matthews walked down the electronics aisle.

"Let's see…" The star football player thought out loud under his breath. "What DVD should I buy? Huh?" he picked up a DVD. "Attack of the Insane Bees from Planet X?" Duncan read the title. "Never seen this one." He opened the DVD, and… "BEES!!!! AAAAGH!!!! I HATE BEES!!! HELP ME!!!! AAAAAAAGH!!!!!!" Duncan fell backward onto a rack, causing it to topple over. "AGH!!!!!"

**The Hardware Store**

Principal Robert Kelly was checking out some power tools.

"Hey, this drill is nice." Kelly grinned. He put it back and walked down the aisle. Until he hit a wet spot. "AAAAAGH!!!!" He slipped and fell backward. In the process, he knocked down a nail gun, and it started firing nails at him. "OW!!!! HEY!!!! HELP!!! OWWWW!!!! THAT HURT!!!! AGH!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!"

Well, well, well! Looks like the insanity shall continue! What madness will happen next? Who will see the tape? How will Pietro react? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!


	5. Premiere!

**Pietro's Tea Party**

_To Sparky Genocide: Hey there Sparky! Duncan or Kelly getting attacked by insane shoppers? I LIKE IT!!!! I like that idea. I'll see if I can fit that in somewhere. Enjoy the new chapter!_

_To mattb3671: Hey there matt! I read the new chapter of 'X-Men is Australian for Mutant' and I loved it! Yeah, that's the biggest trouble with DVD. They always have bees. I need a beekeeper's outfit to handle them sometimes! Sharks with friggin' laser beams on their heads? You know how hard those things are to get?! A lot of red tape. Evil red tape, man. Evil red tape. No problem, and we'll see if we can arrange some shrubbery. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for the new chapter of 'X-Men is Australian for Mutant'._

_To soulstress: Hey there soulstress! Yeah, Kelly got a literal nailing. You can imagine that Pietro Maximoff will be embarrassed. Not to mention furious. If you watch carefully, you'll find Pietro's reaction based on the reaction of a character to a situation just like this in one of my favorite TV shows. Enjoy the new chapter, and I can hardly wait for the new chapter of 'Tempest'!_

_To Red Witch: Hey there, Red! I read the new chapters of 'This Soap Opera Called Life' and I loved them! Man, the X-Men are getting more enemies that they know what to do with! They really have a bad luck streak in that area, huh? Magneto and Jean torture, huh? I wonder how I'm going to torture Magneto? Enjoy the new chapter!_

**Disclaimer: "Shut up, Cartman!" - Kyle Broflovski, ****South ****Park**

Chapter 5: Premiere!

**The Xavier Institute**

Sam Guthrie and Ray Crisp, the New Mutant members known respectively as Cannonball and Berzerker, were playing a game of checkers. There was a knock on the door.

"I got it." Sam went up to the door. "Please don't be Lila…" He mumbled before heopened the door. "Oh. Hi, Paul."

"Hey Sammy." Paul grinned. "I came by to make an announcement."

"AGH!!!" Sam screamed. A white, black, and gold blur sped by Paul. Sam disappeared. Ray blinked.

"Paul Starr, keep that psycho girl away from Sam!" Ray snapped.

"I thought we tied her up." Paul blinked. "She's getting wilier. Anyway WHOA!!" Jean, Kitty, Rogue, and Tabitha gathered around Paul.

"Hi, Paul." They said sweetly.

"Hey girls." Paul grinned. "Hey, do you know the show 'America's Wackiest Home Movies'?"

"I _love_ that show!" Kitty grinned.

"Bobby and Ah sent in a tape." Rogue added.

"Tubular, dudette! So did we!" Paul said. "You'll love our tape." He noticed Evan walk by. "Hey Evan! Lance told me to tell you to watch 'America's Wackiest Home Movies' tonight! You'll love the tape Lila and Todd sent in! You might want to record it!"

"Yeah, sure." Evan shrugged.

**The supermarket**

"Do we have everything?" Lance asked Todd. He was pushing a cart loaded with snacks.

"Sodas, check…" Todd checked off something on a clipboard with a pencil. "Twinkies…" Todd trailed off when he saw Hank run by, lugging a stack of boxes of Twinkies.

"They're mine! ALLLL MINE!!!! WAAAAAAAAAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!" He cackled madly. Lance and Todd blinked.

"The Beast…is weird." Lance blinked.

"Yeah, yo." Todd blinked. "Anyway, Nachos, check…Cup Cakes, check…Hot dogs, check…"

**Bayville ****Park**

"Ahh…" Duncan Matthews sighed happily as he sat down at a tree. "Life is good…" He leaned back on the tree. "I'll feel really good once I take a nice long nap…" He fell asleep on the tree. A squirrel came down the tree, leapt on Duncan, and bit him in the nose. "OWWWW!" A lot more squirrels joined the first one and started attacking the football player. "AAAAAAGH!!!! HELP ME!!!"

**The Brotherhood House, ****8 PM**

The Brotherhood were gathered in their home's living room, the TV playing the opening theme to "America's Wackiest Home Movies".

"This is going to be good." Lance snickered.

"Oh yeah." Fred added, scarfing nachos with melted cheese.

"This had better be good, Paul." Craig warned. "I have better things to do than watch people tape themselves falling down for an hour."

"Aw relax, Craig. You'll love it." Paul grinned. The Brotherhood watched the TV show. They even laughed at some of the sent in movies.

"So, did your movie show up yet?" Pietro asked Lila.

"No, not yet." Lila smirked.

"Our next tape comes from Bayville, New York. 'Barbecue Gone Wrong'!" The host made a gesture. A video played of Cyclops working the barbecue, humming happily. Suddenly, the barbecue exploded, and the video followed a screaming fiery Scott. The audience and the Brotherhood got a good laugh out of that.

"What is the tape, anyway?" Pietro blinked.

"Oh, just a little funny something we stumbled upon and just had to film." Lila smirked.

"And now we have another tape sent in from Bayville, New York. It's the final tape of the night, called 'Teenage Boy has Tea Party'." The host announced from the television. Pietro's jaw dropped and his eyes widened. The tape the Brotherhood made of Pietro's little tea party played. "Wow. This kid has some real issues." The Brotherhood burst out laughing, just like the TV audience. Even Wanda and Craig.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**"

**The Xavier Institute**

The X-Men's jaws dropped and their eyes widened when they saw the tape.

"Oh…my…God…" Kitty stammered. The X-Men all looked at each other slack-jawed for a few minutes. Suddenly…

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**"

"That was **GREAT!!!!**" Kitty squealed.

"I knew Pietro had issues!" Bobby laughed.

"He is such a wuss!" Scott chortled.

"Man, I am _so **GLAD**_ I remembered to record this!" Evan laughed.

**The Brotherhood House**

Pietro Maximoff was not a happy man. He sat firmly on his spot in the couch. He started clenching his fists, baring his teeth, and growling.

"_GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR_…I…am…so…ticked…off…right…now…" Pietro growled out in his rage.

"They laughed the hardest at our tape! We're going to win!" Lance whooped.

"That was awesome!" Paul whooped.

"What'd you think, Pietro?" A grinning Wanda asked an enraged Pietro. Pietro started shaking in his seat. His face was turning redder every second.

"I'm…going…to…f$#&#$…kill…you…guys…seriously…" Pietro snarled through his rage. He started shaking harder.

"And the winner of the grand prize is…" The host announced. "'Barbecue Gone Wrong!'"

"AWWWWW!!!!" The Brotherhood groaned.

"Our second place winner is 'Teenage Boy has Tea Party'. Congratulations on winning $5,000!"

"Five thousand bucks. That's not bad." Paul smiled.

"Yeah, we can still get you that sowing kit, Pietro." Lila grinned.

"Kill…you…guys…" Pietro snarled. He still sat there, shaking very hard, clenching his fists until they turned white, face red as a cherry. Black steam was coming out of his head. "**_Kill_**…you…guys…"

"Let's go out and celebrate!" Fred grinned.

"YEAH!!!" The Brotherhood whooped and left the house. They also left Pietro behind. The group piled into Lance's jeep and drove into town. Soon after they left, a very loud scream was heard from the house, followed by the sound of an explosion.

**The supermarket, that night**

Principal Kelly went down to the supermarket to get himself some grocery shopping in. He noticed that there was one ham left on the meat section.

"Hey! One ham left! Whoo-hoo!" Kelly whooped. He walked over to get the ham when he heard rumbling. "What?" He turned around. "AAAAAGH!!!!! MOMMY!!!!" Kelly screamed as a group of rabid shoppers started tackling him, trying to get his ham. "HELP ME!!!! OWWWW THAT HURTS!!!!! HEY!!! STOP!!!! HELP ME!!!"

Well, looks like Pietro won't be able to show his face in Bayville for a while! What madness will happen down the road? Will Pietro ever recover from this? Find out soon! This is L1701E saying thanks for reading!


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